There is no such thing as a free Zumba class.

I was going to blog this all last night, but I passed out.  My husband will argue that I fell asleep on the couch watching TV.  With a BG like that, I know better, I was in a sugar induced slumber.

A good friend of mine had called me Sunday night asking if I wanted to join her for a FREE Zumba class last night.  I really like Zumba because I really like to dance.  I don't like to exercise, but, to me, dancing is not exercising.  Zumba and I get along.  Well, except for the whole routine of it. 

If you have ever been to a Zumba class and look around, they are all very similar.  In the front of the class is the super adorable teacher, very slendar with curves in all the right places.  These people are born that way- you can Zumba until the cows come home, it's nature in this instance.  I'm not saying you can't make some major improvements.  Some have the genes for this but it has been hidden behind cookies and coffee.  Most of us, we don't have this.  But don't stop trying!!!  All this fighting a losing battle stuff is really good for your heart.  At least that's what the doctor's always say.

Super adorable teacher is in the front in her awesome (read expensive) zumba pants that have those adorable hangy things on the butt that she can actually spin around by moving her hips (which is amazing since the only thing mine can do is bear a child).  Behind the teacher is what I think of as her Cronies (with all due respect).  These are the women who are also wearing the cute zumba pants with the thingies on the butt and can also make them spin simply by moving their hips.  These women know the routines as good as, if not better than, the teacher herself.  In my mind, I secretly dream of being one of these women.

The rest of the room is full of an assortment of women ranging from 8-70 yrs old, a majority of which are probably 27-52 yrs.  These women can keep up with the 'moves' and the instructor, though, most lack the hips.  They anticipate what is next and flow smoothly through each song.  Even a lot of the first timers seem to catch on.  I brought my mom once knowing she likes to dance.  I had been going for sometime and was able to hold my own, only 'messing up' a few times a song.  My mom isn't the most coordinated person, I figured it would take her a bit to catch on.  No.  Apparently, zumba is the modern day jazzer-cise, which my mom was a goddess at.  She should have been up front with the cronies.

The other type of person in class is the person that lacks any coordination.  This person may have taken years of dance and still cannot jump and clap hands at the same time.  You can always find this person because they are usually the one getting run into when everyone else is moving.  If this person is aware of their lack of abilities, they usually find a spot along the wall (less people to run into or get in their way).  I am this person. 

So, last night I am anticpating my free Zumba class.  Make a nice fish dinner with some rice (going to need some carbs for zumba) and broccolli.  We gobble up dinner, even the toddler chows, and I clean up.  Go and change into my cutest black sweat pants and a tee shirt, grab my zumba shoes (the ones that kill my feet for the first 5 songs and then are like heaven), and fill up a water bottle.  As I am pouring my cold filtered water into my favorite water bottle my pump starts 'yelling' at me.  It has been an hour already?  Alright, time to test the BG.  73.  That is not good for someone who is going to be hard core sweating in an hour.  Grab a nice 19 g carb peanuty granola bar and pack some extra test strips.  It will be fine.

My friend picks me up and we are off.  I make mention that my BG wasn't terribly cooperative earlier, but I am sure it will be fine.  We are searching for this place that neither of us have been before and end up in a sleeping trucker haven.  Realizing we must have passed it, we cross our fingers we didn't wake anyone and turn around.  Just around the corner from sleeping trucker haven sits the church in an industrial looking strip mall.  It looks very small from the outside.  This should be interesting.

We walk inside to find coat racks, apparently they are expecting quite the crowd.  After hanging up our coats we find the zumba room.  This place is quite large actually.  Wow.  A great place for zumba.  We sign in- we're like number 11 and 12 on the list.  I decide now is a good time to retest.  Still in the 70's.  I am not going to make this without some hard core low GI index carbs now.  Grab my can of ER pineapple juice and chug.  I reluctantly finish the can- it's like 24 g carbs and I don't want to spike- but I would rather spike than look a fool.

Suddenly I look around and see about 60 people lining up in this room that doesn't seem as big anymore.  We find a spot along the wall (I know my abilities are less than grand).  We are ready.  For how crowded this room is I find that there is plenty of room to do the routine.  The routine is fun and energetic, giving a good full body workout and not too terribly hard to follow.  Of course, I still manage to start with the wrong foot and get lost in the routine, but my friend managed just fine.

After each song I look at my continuous monitor.  This isn't looking good.  I am sitting in the 80's with a nice flat arrow.  That would be great if I was sitting on the couch reading a book, not great when I have just started a hard core workout.  As we continue through the songs that flat arrow begins the slow decline.  Dang it.  I already used my ER juice.  I decide I need to stop moving and do something about this before it becomes a problem.

I jog through dodging a line of like 15 women who are zumba-ing all over the place to the churches kitchen area.  They are a church, they must have coffee, and if they have coffee they must have sugar.  2nd cabinet and I find the sugar and a styrofoam cup.  Put an unknown amount of sugar in it, put some tap water in it and stir with a random knife.  I think of my dentist as I chug my sugar water like a starving butterfly.  Cheers.  If that doesn't do it, nothing will.

I dodge the 15 women back to my spot and check my BG.  Wow, it's worse than my CGM read...I'm at 53.  CGM still has a slow decline.  I decide that until things start moving up I should sit out and stretch.  So much for not looking like a fool.

My friend asks how it's going and I lie (like a good diabetic who is trying to not be too bitter about all the women around her who don't have this) saying everything will be fine.  She insists that we leave and I remind her that I will be hypo here or at home so she might as well get a good workout.  I must not be a good actress because she's not buying it.  She says she is shot and is ready to go (this woman is in better shape 4 weeks post partum than I EVER have been in my life).  I appreciate her understanding and not making me feel like an even bigger fool, so I agree.

We dodge the 15 dancing women and get out of there.  In the car we are saying that in our 20-30 mins of  zumba we hope we burned 400 calories.  I add up how many calories I consumed to compensate for the low and realize that it would need to be more like 500 just to break even.  When I get depressed about that idea I think of the doctor saying it's good for my heart and want to throw up in my mouth.  It's not his muffin top that's going to need a pair of bigger jeans.  So much for free zumba.

I get home and try to close the garage door.  The opener is insisting that something is in the way.  I turn on the outside lights trying to see what the garage door's problem is and find that somehow, something totally broke off the garage door sensor on my hubby's side of the garage.  I come inside and tell him to deal with it-it is his side of the garage after all.  He asks if I hit it with a shovel or something...NO.  I don't know what happened.  It would appear that we have a garage door sensor breaker running through our neighborhood because neither of us know how it broke.  Hubby fixes it without too much trouble as I admit defeat and take a shower.

I begin to mope.  Stupid diabetes.  My BG is settling in at 100 and remaining steady.  I grab for a piece of birthday cake and bolous for it the same amount I did earlier in the day that worked perfect.  We start a movie and I pass out/fall asleep.  Hubby wakes me up and encourages me to get into bed.  My CGM is quiet and still looking good so off to bed I go.

About 1 AM my CGM is screaming at me.  I never heard it before then (that's why I insist it was sugar induced slumber, this is the thing that woke me up 5 times the other night).  329.  WHAT!??!?!  I have it set to alert me at anything over 120, every 1/2 hour.  That means I missed at least 4 alarms.  I give a big old correction and return to my sugar slumber.

I woke up this morning feeling like death.  Which is what happens when you have syrup running through your veins all night after not being able to keep a steady BG during zumba.  I should have known, there is no such thing as a free lunch or a free zumba class.