Tuesday, February 15, 2011

What does Thomas the Train know about diabetes?

You know those books that are SUPER annoying that only grandparents buy?  The ones that have buttons to push to play music that correspond with each page. 

Well, toddler has a Thomas the Train book like this.  Each page has the words to the song that corresponds with it so whoever is reading it, me, can sing along.  Isn't that great?  I sing like a broken garbage disposal.  Regardless, it is one of toddler's favorite books.

Last night I am 'reading' this book to toddler before bed.  I have 'read' this book at least a thousand times, I know the words by heart.  If a button is pushed I can sing the tune without looking at the book.  I am a mother, it's what we do.

Lately I am feeling a little burnout with D-life.  Which is sad, since for my age I am a very young diabetic.  Most women my age have lived with this for 20yrs+.  This is, sadly, changing as more and more adults are being diagnosed as type 1.  At this point though, I feel a bit alone.  The novelty of the gadgets and gizmos has worn off.  The amazement at what techonology can do is no longer exciting, in fact, it's down right lame.  Usually, I am the silver lining person.  Not so much for the past few days...  Maybe it's because my Hem A1C is due and I know that it's going to be the highest I have ever had.  I know I haven't worked nearly as hard as I used to (10 days out of the month I am going lax).  For the first time I am truely dreading the results. 
So, 'reading' this Thomas the Train book and get to the 3rd to last song, "Surprises".  It goes like this...

Surprises, surprises,
they come all shapes and sizes.
You never know what's around the bend,
it might delight it might offend.
That's why there's surprises,
with all their highs and lows.
Do you come out top or come full stop?
Who knows, who knows, who knows?

Since when does Thomas have diabetes?  How does he know so much about this?  Needless to say, in my current state I am crying by the end of the song.  (Don't you dare suggest I am pregnant and that's why I am emotional.  I will rip your insensitive face off!)  And how does Thomas know about those 10 days each month that I drink regular coffee and when I get a 225 say "Oh well, too bad for my kidneys today."  (I know this is a bad attitude, please don't tell me about your complications because you used to have this attitude.  I know.)

The toddler is looking at me concerned.  I wipe up my tears and turn the page. 

HA!  Sorry to interrupt this story, but toddler just sat down next to me with Thomas book turned to that page.  Apparently he remembers that page.

So, I clean myself up and turn the page.  The next song, I actually used to motivate toddler when he was having a hard time with potty training.  He was VERY discouraged and confused.  At the time I took out the Thomas book and we 'read' this song.

Don't give up,
show determination.
Don't give up,
you'll be a big sensation.
Keep your wheels a turning,
your pistons pumping hard.
Keep your boilers burning,
don't idle round the yard.
Right on time you'll reach your destination.
Now's the time to show determination.

Basically, Thomas is telling me I am a major wimp and have let it slide too long.  That this is a test of my character, and even with how stubborn I am, I was not quite stubborn enough.  When the going gets tough in D-life, the tough has a breakfast pastry and cup of regular coffee with whip.  It's not that you can't eat these things as a diabetic, I mean they are not good for anyone.  It's just that I am too young of a diabetic to know exactly how my body will react to them- will the pastry break down slow or fast?  Am I going to chug this coffee?  How much extra should I bolus for the caffine?  At this point, these things are very bad for me because I don't know how to deal properly with them.  Which is why 'responsible diabetic' doesn't touch them with a 10 foot pole. 

Thomas provided me with the wake up call.  I just need the motivation now.

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